today and the other one

One day, but not today, I woke up and it didn't hurt. For like fifteen minutes it didn't hurt at all. But today is one of the worst days.

I am wholistically ill, my cumulative convalescence is destroyed and my heart is still in pieces. Further chaotic shards, instead of arrangements of mosaics that were supposed to justify the shattering.

I just can't believe that my dream is dead in my arms, and how much it meant to me, and how little else there may be left with it gone. I look up when I can, but nothing in my sight motivates me to let go. I return to it, helplessly, and ask, 'what else is there?'

The whole world awaits.

And no one can take you alive if you're smart enough. Care enough.

Care is not happening. Today. And even the other one.